Tantalizing Trauma

 
 

Trauma is something that can be challenging. Many individuals have dealt with trauma, and if you haven’t sometimes that can be lucky. It is a subject that takes a lot of growth, strength, and results in many positive and negative outcomes. Here are a few various types that I have found, or experienced; if you would like more information you can click here.

Types of Trauma:

  • Acute Trauma (single experience)

  • Complex Trauma (Chronic)

  • Developmental Trauma (early onset trauma starting within childhood; repetitive within their care giving system)

  • Inter-generational Trauma (living with someone that has emotional effects from their trauma; possibility to be passed on through generations)

  • PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder; can be acute or complex)

    There are more classifications but those mostly fall under the ones I have already listed.

 

Trauma can be a very personal subject, given the circumstance and varies from each person. This includes how they cope, heal, learn, and the affect on one’s mental state. Many times without realizing you can trigger traumatic experiences, even with small characterizations. This can be explained with simple anxiety for an unknown reason, or an emotional that over takes you.

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I have dealt with trauma more than I would like to admit, continuing from a young age. Within the time of the traumatic events, most I had not actually realized this was trauma and was out of my control. Things happen and you have to make the best from the outcomes. This is something that I will carry with the rest of my life, as well as anyone else. When going through childhood and dealing with this, I was often challenged because of what I was going through. When in grade school, I had lived across the street from a few people went to my school as well. Mind you, I went to a small catholic school that was getting into the rural outskirts of Northern Kentucky.

I was bullied and excluded for what was going on at my home because my family was so different compared to everyone else’s. They were all related, or even if not, it was rare to have parents that were divorced. My second grade teacher punished my attendance just because I was with my mom certain weeks since she was the one that had moved out of the house. When I would get on the school bus in the morning after rough night within my house, I would frequently get asked of what the girl in my class and her family saw from across the street. There were many times that she would tell our teachers about that past night. Of course they would pull me out of class individually and question me about what they had heard. It had made me extremely self-conscious of my family, myself, and life events.

This resulted in making me a target for majority of the class (and school) at some point or another throughout my 8 years there. Most people had known of what had gone on those nights by an hour into school starting. My family was very different compared to the rest of them, making it easier for me to stick out. I didn’t care about fitting in with crowds or having people like me, but I did care that they began to treat me different from the other classmates. At that time, school felt like one of the safest places for me on those weeks.

It was confusing for me to go through all of this at once. I learned a lot from my surroundings and it has made me a stronger person. For a kid, I was forced to grow up quickly because I had to cope and parent myself on some days. Resulting in not getting as much of a childhood as others, missing core qualities within my care support system.


Trauma healing can be difficult so do not let yourself get discouraged if you are still struggling this aspect of your life.

 
 
 
 

Check out an installation I designed according to My Own depression & trauma:

 
 
 
 

Depressional FUEL

 
 

Depression is a common factor within artists' lives. Each person is different with how this affects their daily lives, thoughts, and memories. Whether it is seasonal, on-sent, clinical, it isn’t something to be taken lightly. Yes it is common but it is just as valid as any other mental disorder.

 
 
 

This is what can be so fascinating. 

 

Speaking as an artist…

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This can sometimes be crucial to understanding processes, methods, the contention, and the list could go on. We can also use this as a form of a positive release, or even as a "fuel". Many artists have made works because each experience an itself is unique. The release can occur even without the artist knowing or purposely letting go. You may not be trying an exercise but focusing on this subject to create any art, can be just as effective.

Slowly digging deeper into my own mental health, as a release and to learn more of the trauma-related topics as an artist. Creating this type of personal-level of exposure. It is reasonable to not want to unearth or welcome the idea of creating personal art. This can also show through with our subconsciousness, without any knowledge our body will communicate for us. While looking back once the piece is finished, there can be hidden perceptions you may not see.


I create this personal connection while staying ambiguous to what the real matter at hand. Leaving room for the viewer to think upon. Based on each viewer's interpretation, mystery is found. There are ways to create deep personal works without the viewer knowing of the true meaning. Staying general, with nonrepresentational works as well as representational, allows that thought-process. My specific ideals are when the audience is not fully aware of the true intention but can be easily relatable to them. I have created vague works based on a subject, not including anything personal. Recently I have dug deep into my experiences and memories to create something powerful, raw, and can seem slightly twisted. Throughout this I am able to maintain a sense of anonymity. It can feel like you are exposing yourself more than you truly are. For some people that is unsettling but that is my favorite influence.

 
 
 
Through the looking glass, 2017

Through the looking glass, 2017